Fiction: Reflection

I wrote this years ago but it’s still one of my favorite pieces:

English: A piece of cameo jewelry.

English: A piece of cameo jewelry. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Staring out the window she remembers: the summer, the laughter; all of it was gone now. When had this happened? When had she become so isolated? She tried to pinpoint the exact moment her life had changed but it was like walking underwater. Her mind was blurry; she found it hard to remember things. Yesterday they came to visit; well at least she thinks so. Today she thinks she will go to the gallery, she hasn’t been in weeks.

She wonders how will she wear her hair? He always liked it loose. When they first met he said it was her hair that had attracted him, He said it reminded him of the fields of wheat, because of its golden colour and how it would sway in the breeze. How long ago had that been?  She hoped he would be at the gallery today. As she continues to stare out the window she thinks of the past, she notices the leaves are beginning to change. It’s fall already, she thinks, why did summer pass so quickly?

The summer always reminds her of him. He was a painter, she always loved artists. He had dark hair and the palest blue eyes. She always thought that he should be the model instead of the painter. She told him that once, all he did was laugh and told her to sit still as he painted her. She wonders why he hasn’t called, surely he must have returned by now. When did he say he was coming home? She shakes her head, she can’t seem to grasp her thoughts, they’re swimming and something is hovering in her mind. What is it that she’s forgetting?

She thinks that she should start getting ready; she feels she’s been sitting at the window forever. As she rises from her chair she’s surprised that she feels dizzy. She hopes it isn’t the flu. She begins to walk toward her vanity; she stops, looking at her room. When had she rearranged it, she begins to feel tired. I must be coming down with the flu.

Sitting down at the vanity she picks up her brush. She turns to face the mirror, she gasps. Staring back at her, mouth gaping is a stranger. She absently reaches and touches her face; the reflection does the same. But this can’t be true, what’s going on? Her mind is frantic. The person in the mirror isn’t her, she searches for answers. She picks up the brush and throws it at the mirror but even through the shattered glass scene peers the vision. The face is similar but how can it be? That face is old, wrinkled and yet it seems to look like her. She collapses causing a photo to fall to the floor near her cocoon body. Her shaking hands reach forward, she sees that they are withered, she screeches and collapses again sobbing. On the back of the photo is written,
“summer 1925”.

Funny Follows

Happy Friday! Here are some great comics that I follow on Twitter and think you should too,check out their amazing podcasts as well.

Jen Kirkman, @JenKirkman, she is hilarious, read my review of her new book I Can Barely Take Care of Myself, you can also follow her podcast, @iseemfunpodcast and download it from iTunes

SuperEgo, @goSuperego is a group of comics who created a podcast that features numerous skits featuring original characters played by themselves and a variety of comedic special guests; personal favorites include: Maggie the GPS, and Cylon Jim & Cylon Phil, you can download episodes of their podcast from their website and iTunes

Tom Scharpling@scharpling host of The Best Show on WFMU @WFMU, download both The Best Show and The Best Show Gems on iTunes. Looking for an episode to get you started? I recommend The Best Show Gems episode: Bruce Willis storms the studio.

Paul Scheer@paulscheer one-third of the comedic group Human Giant, and Andre from FX’s The League  is also the creator of the podcast how did this get made, where he, June Diane Raphael @MsJuneDiane, and Jason Mantzoukas with  special guests discuss and review movies; which are usually considered terrible by the general public,  download episodes from Earwolf or iTunes.

Paul F Tompkins, @PFTomkins is a very busy comedian between posting on Instagram, tweeting and being featured on other podcasts including Superego he finds time to create his own hilarious one; The Pod F. Tompkast, download episodes on iTunes. He had me at horse knees.

A Question of Connection

“Everyone’s connected but no one is connecting,
the human element has long been missing.
Tell me have you seen it? Have you seen it?
Or are we alone?”
– 
Lyrics from Alone by Armin van Buuren

I’m currently obsessed with Armin van Buuren’s new album Intense, especially the track Alone; on a superficial level the song is pure aural enjoyment but offers the listener a truly thought-provoking experience when you listen to the lyrics. I found myself considering our human need for connection. We live in an age where you can avoid physical human interaction almost completely but can digitally connect with people more intimately than ever before. All over my twitter timeline I’ve seen tweets about people’s virtual connections and how social media has impacted our human interactions.  Notebook of love tweeted: “Relationships are harder now because conversations becomes texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become tweets”

When I created this blog one driving force behind it was the need to make a connection with others, to inspire the way so many others have inspired me. I wanted to feel a part of the bigger picture to leave my mark in whatever way the future has set out for me. What I didn’t expect was how this desire would impact and affect me. I’ve been reluctant to post my personal thoughts because even though I’m relatively anonymous the process can leave the author feeling very exposed. There is also something to be said about the catharsis of allowing yourself to be vulnerable even if you’re still hiding behind the screen.  The various social media communities offer us a way to connect with like-minded people who weren’t accessible in the past, virtual strangers can become best friends without ever meeting in the physical world. One of my closest friends has never physically met me but I feel more connected to her than some people I have known almost my entire life. Our shared pop culture interests allowed us to develop a very real friendship, which I have found is increasingly rare for adults. I am constantly interacting with people in my day-to-day life but have yet to make a connection as deeply as the few I have forged during my brief foray into this social media world. There are so many inspiring stories that have left me in awe and rejuvenated my belief in the good of humanity. There is a melancholic feeling that comes from realizing that some of my more profound interactions have come through a screen but I’m also hopefully optimistic for how I can translate my virtual social confidence into the real world.

So if this is our future what does that mean for connections? I’ll leave you with the lyrics from one of my favorite songs:

“If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect”
Lyrics from Communication by The Cardigans

Strained Relations

When so much emptiness rests in a crowd
My heart weeps for a time that never came
If my resurrection comes in the wake of their destruction
My happiness is not worth that cost
Short lived, unfulfilled, will I ever be enough
No longer together, isolated, insulated
Reaching out in faceless crowds I find comfort
Without a home, I’m lost
More to me than myself
Forsaking everything, meaning nothing
It doesn’t matter

Personal Poetry – Strained Relations